....

I think it's about that time that I really start to tend to this, I can't seem to help it though. I feel as if everything is going and going and going and there is no stop from here on out. This coming Sunday, I will be hitting another pivital point in my life, I will be twenty-one. I honestly didn't think this day would come so fast, blowing right past me like a gust of wind, and sadly it did. I sit back and I look at my life, and somehow I feel as I haven't really lived it to the fullest. I don't do much & don't ask for much. I know I can really say that I grew up way too fast. With the most important woman in my life gone; I feel it is really hard for me to find a sense of direction, I don't know what I am doing but in the end I know where I am going.

In this day and I age, I am at that point where I can really analyze all of the situations I have been brought forth to, and see for what it brought with it & learn from it on a deeper level. I now understand why things happened the way they did, I now know why people I know longer speak to aren't a part of my life, I now know why people have to leave us behind, I now know why NOT to trust a single human being (including yourself, you are you're on worst enemy), I now know I can't be near certain people; There is one thing I do not know and I would have to say that I do not know why I can't release some of my anger.

I guess it's just one of those emotions that is tied within everything you have experienced in life. I know for fact that after my mom had passed away, I went from just about every emotion you can think of in the book. I believe in the process of it all I just "learned" to keep it all in. When she was pronounced dead, that very day I didn't have time to really cry it out; I had to be strong. I had to move forward and help my brother along the way. Since that day, it really hit me: I am going to be on my own from now on. And I have been.